Songs That Shouldn’t Exist. Yet Here We Are.
Fresh Out of the Funkhole
The first release has dropped, hot and steamy:
"Doctor, Doctor, Touch My Peepee"
The not-dirty version: Doctor, Doctor, Touch My Pinky (Clean Version)
What is Funkhole?
Funkhole is not a band. It is an experiment.
Funkhole is a portal that should never have been opened.
It's a feeling... a mistake.
Every Funkhole song begins with a dare...
Write the best possible lyrics about the worst possible idea,
then feed it to AI and force it to perform
thousands and thousands of times until it gets it almost right.
Then polish that turd like there's no tomorrow.
These songs should not exist. But...
They cannot be unproduced.
They cannot be unreleased.
They cannot be shoved back up the Funkhole.
They are here to stay.
Put your ear to the Funkhole.
You'll regret it.
Listen to Funkhole
Available at all fine record stores October 10, 2025:
Lyrics & Lyric Videos
Path to Destruction
A vinyl pressing is coming... but it’s not for your shelf.
Run it over. Sand it smooth. Leave it somewhere damp and wait for mold.
Show us what you’ve done. Upload the wreckage. We will share it with the world.
The best destruction becomes the next album cover.
This is #WreckYourFunkhole.
Vinyl not yet pressed. This is your fault.
#WreckYourFunkhole
Submit your wreckage and join the legacy.
* Examples only. Vinyl not pressed yet. This is still your fault.
“I got caught wrecking my Funkhole in public.”
FAQhole
What?
What, what?
Who are Funkhole, really?
That would be telling. ⚪️
Who writes these songs?
All of the lyrics are written by a human with questionable motives and a lot of time on his hands.
Does Funkhole use AI?
No. Funkhole does not use AI. Funkhole abuses AI repeatedly, maliciously, and with intent. If AI could withhold consent, Funkhole would be in big trouble. A human writes all of the songs, but AI is forced to perform them for our amusement.
How are the songs produced?
It starts with an idea... the worst possible idea.
Then lyrics are lovingly crafted by a human with deep psychological problems until the idea has been taken way further than it should have been and he begins to lose touch with basic concepts like right and wrong.
Then, AI is forced to sing and perform the abomination hundreds (sometimes thousands) of times. Several versions are blended together to make some kind of musical Frankenstein's monster. Afterwards the turd is polished and re-polished and garnished with gratuitous embellishments and flourishes. If it survives all of this, it is officially deemed a Funkhole song to be unleashed upon the unsuspecting global population like a virus.
Ok, but why?
You know when you really have to poo, and there's just nothing you can do about it? Sometimes it's music that needs to come out. No matter how messy it's going to be, it HAS TO COME OUT.
How many songs are coming?
Funkhole's self-titled debut album is almost complete. Most of the songs are now complete and will be dropping every few weeks. We want to take this opportunity to sincerely apologize in advance for the nature of some of the content.
How often are new songs released?
The Funkhole seems to plop out a new song every 2-3 weeks, usually on a Friday. Sign up to Get Spammed to be warned when something new has been squeezed out.
Where does Funkhole get their ideas?
We are fucked up.
Is Funkhole NSFW or can my kids listen to it?
Although most Funkhole tracks are not suitable for work, or for kids, or for anyone, there are "(Clean Version)" mixes that are generally safe for work/kids. But, is it advisable? 🤔
Will there be live shows?
Why not? We will answer the call and spread our ƒoul influence to every corner of the Earth. It is only a matter of time.
Why the anonymity?
Would you attach your name to this? When we're a household name... Then we'll talk.
So... next week?
What is #WreckYourFunkhole?
You get what you deserve. Funkhole deserves to be punished.
When we reach our inevitable goal of pressing vinyl, we want to see you WRECK YOUR FUNKHOLE. Destroy your Funkhole vinyl in an imaginative and/or horrific way. Use the hashtag on your socials. Upload to our site and we will share the best destruction.
This is art. This is expression. This is a shameless ploy to drive engagement, boost sales, and dominate the algorithm.
What if I don't want to wreck my Funkhole?
If you want to keep and play your Funkhole vinyl, that's totally up to you. We won't judge.
But... you're probably the kind of person who actually watches DVD special features, eats the parsley garnish, and keeps all those little silica gel packets.
WHEN VINYL?
Alright, alright, calm down. We'll press vinyl when we're good and ready. And by that I mean when the singles are out and we have enough interest. And by that I mean go stream stuff and buy stuff. And by that I mean GO STREAM AND BUY FUNKHOLE STUFF AND TELL EVERYONE YOU KNOW TO GO STREAM AND BUY FUNKHOLE STUFF.
The world will know when it's time.
We're doing this. This isn't just a dream or an aspiration or some shit.
This is a threat.
Can I really create the next Funkhole album cover?
Yes. It is our intention to use the very best #WreckYourFunkhole submission as the next album cover... and then that album being wrecked will become the album cover after that... and so on... repeating until an infinite cascade of wrecked Funkholes collapses into a tight brown hole that wipes out reality as we know it.
So, yes. You can create the next Funkhole album cover.
Can I buy Funkhole merch?
Soon. Probably.
You will have to remain the disgustingly unfashionable pig you’ve always been for just a little bit longer.
Sign up to Get Spammed and you'll be alerted when it's ready. Probably with a discount or some shit, I don't know.
How do I get email updates?
Become part of the problem... Sign up to Get Spammed and we'll keep you in the loop on everything Funkhole. Seriously, this is where to go if you like cool tapes.
What do I do if the site isn't working properly?
Impossible.
Can I marry Funkhole?
Yes. Submit a clear photo and five reasons for wanting to marry Funkhole via the WreckYourFunkhole submission form.
How do I contact Funkhole?
You can reach us here: [Click to reveal email]